Overwhelmed? How can you say “No”?
I hear it often. “I’m overwhelmed!” “I have so much to do.” “I’m so busy I can’t find enough time to get all of the things done that I need to do.” “I don’t have time for you fill in the blank” (exercise, family, dating, friends……and the list goes on). And, as the old adage goes “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” Then, what happens to you and your goals?
This reminds me of an important lesson given to me by a faculty member when I was in graduate school. Truth be known, he was also my boss, on my advisory committee, and my friend. (And fortunately, he is still a dear friend.) One day he called me into his office and said, “Close the door, repeat after me, and practice.” I closed the door. Then he said, “NO.” I asked, “What?” He said, “You’re not practicing. NO.” I then said “NO.” Finally, he said, “Deanna, people rarely remember when you say no, but they do remember when you don’t come through.” I had said many of the things in the opening paragraph about my work, situation, and life. As a result I found myself, and those around me, unsatisfied.
Later on in my career, I received the phone call that many of us long for. I was asked to serve as a Section Editor for a prestigious scientific journal. I felt so thrilled and honored to be asked that I said, “YES!” What was I thinking?! (the bubble over my head appeared). I had just been offered and accepted a new position, with a different organization, on the opposite side of the country. And, now I was going to accept something else new. Really?! (another bubble). After worrying, pondering, and reflecting, I called the lead editor back and apologized for now turning her offer down while explaining my new circumstances. I asked that she keep me in mind for the future. It was tough and the right thing for me to do. Shortly after I declined her offer she asked if she could call me when she had to say “NO” because she knew she needed to do more of it.
Frequently, there are more things to do than we have time and energy for. Another friend I quote often said, “I’d rather be busy than bored.” True! The challenge becomes how to prioritize what we want and need to do in a way that continues to keep us fulfilled, busy, and balanced. How do you accomplish that? What are your priorities? When can you say “NO” (even when you might like to do it sometime)? How do you manage those times when it is inherently busy (e.g., beginning of the fiscal year, election year, academic year)? Who and what get lost in the shuffle when you say “Yes?”
Knowing that you want to do the right things, and the right amount of things is an important step. Friends, family, mentors, and coaches play key roles in helping you sort through this. Vigilance and practice are tools you can use to keep the balance of “no” versus “yes.” It even gets easier with time.
